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| { "code": 1, "data": { "micro_writing_id": "SyXczVD", "status": 1, "title": "我的心儿怦怦跳", "content": "今天上台演讲的时候,我的心怦怦直跳……", "pigai": { "score": 82, "total_score": 82, "score_items": [ { "item": "切题", "score": 18, "reason": "能围绕题干情境展开。" }, { "item": "目标达成", "score": 25, "reason": "能写出心理变化,事情经过还可以更具体。" }, { "item": "内容具体", "score": 16, "reason": "有心理描写,动作和环境细节还可补充。" }, { "item": "语言表达", "score": 17, "reason": "语句通顺,符合四年级表达水平。" }, { "item": "结构清楚", "score": 6, "reason": "片段层次基本清楚,过渡略简单。" } ], "requirements": "把事情经过写清楚,并写出心理变化", "comment": "这段小练笔能围绕题目展开,心理描写比较明显,但动作和环境描写还不够丰富。", "modify": "1. 原文:我很紧张;问题:只说了感受,缺少具体表现;修改建议:补充手心出汗、声音发抖等细节。", "highlights": "1. 心理描写直接,能直接表现紧张感。", "highlight_items": [ { "origin_sentence": "我的心怦怦直跳", "reason": "能直接表现紧张心理。" } ], "suggestions": "1. 补充上台前和开口时的动作描写。" }, "pangpi": { "commit_items": [ { "origin_sentence": "我的心怦怦直跳", "good_or_bad": "good", "commit": "能直接表现紧张心理。" } ], "commit_total": "片段点评总评:能围绕训练目标展开,可补充更具体的动作细节。" }, "runse": { "title": "我的心儿怦怦跳", "content": "轮到我上台时,我攥紧了稿纸,手心里全是汗,连第一句话都差点忘了。", "explain": "1. 补充上台前的动作细节;2. 用“手心全是汗”代替直白的“紧张”,增强画面感。" }, "transmission": { "student_id": "s001", "homework_id": "h001" } } }
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